THE UNEXPECTED PATH TO PEACE, Continued . . .
I had bought in from a very young age that picture-perfect idea of what my life “should” look like, of what my path in life was supposed to be. It was what I observed all around me. It was modeled to me in movies, by my family, friends co-workers, neighbors, etc.
The plan was – to graduate from college, have a successful career, get married, have kids, and live happily ever after – and I rarely questioned it. (I know . . . it was a bit naive.)
I believed that with hard work and determination I would accomplish each step of my life plan.
It was a complete surprise when I got stuck and was not able to accomplish each milestone in perfect order.
All I had to do was power through, keep trying, think positive, try harder and never give up.
I wasn’t stuck. I just wasn’t trying hard enough.
It was a difficult time in my life. Instead of showing myself grace, love, and support. Instead of considering the possibility of a new path – – I became laser-focused on forcing my life plan to unfold like it was “supposed” to.
This went on for 5 years. I was sad, angry, depressed, lonely, desperate, confused, disappointed, tired, drained, and so much more. I felt disconnected from everything and everyone. On the inside, I was doing my best at resisting these heavy and dark emotions — but on the outside, I had a happy, hopeful, “it’s all good” facade.
To say I was struggling, was an understatement.
The trauma of those years took a toll on me and all aspects of my life. My relationships with my spouse, my friends, my family, and myself were all strained. I no longer knew who I was or what I wanted.
In order to save myself, my marriage, and my life, I had to let go. BUT HOW? I was broken, defeated, and exhausted.
I needed to find a way to move forward and find a new path for my life. I had overwhelming feelings of loss and grief — for the life I thought I was going to live. I was longing to find peace. Peace with my mind, body, and soul – peace with the past and with myself. I wanted to feel alive again. I wanted to feel like I was an active participant in my life.
This is when I delved into intuitive, spiritual healing to help me process and move through the emotions I tried hiding from for so long. The grief, anger, shame, guilt, sadness, etc. I can honestly say it is what saved me from continuing to live an unconscious, inauthentic, passionless life.
It wasn’t easy, but slowly I was able to come out of the dark hole I was living in for so long. I realized that not only was I hiding from difficult emotions but also from joy, happiness, and fun. As I let go of the “picture perfect” idea of what my life “should” look like, I was able to live in the present, enjoy my life again, and find my path to peace.
I realized that my story of struggle was not unique. Everyone struggles in life. I used to see my struggles as something bad, something I tried to avoid. Now I see them as life lessons. We are all going to experience difficulties, obstacles, challenges, and struggles in our life. No one is immune. You can either try and fight them, change them, avoid them and get stuck in them – or you can heal them, embrace them, move through them and learn from them.
This was a massive awareness for me. Once I stopped resisting and trying to control how my life unfolded, I was able to accept that life was not punishing me. Trauma, grief, loss, and struggle is all a normal part of the human experience. I believe that my story, my experiences, and the lessons I learn from them, are meant to be shared to help other women.
Let's stay connected. . .
These days I have found my peace. I live with my husband of 17+ years, Dave, and our dogs Waylon and Willie. I am co-creating my life with the Divine, God, Source, Spirit, which provides me the freedom and flexibility to live the life I desire, not a life I “should” be living.
But it wasn’t always this way.