Does it feel right?

Do you have old friends that if you met in present time you probably would not become friends? Do you stay friends with them even though you no longer have much in common other than your past?

When I was in the depths of my fertility struggle and my girlfriend was dealing with her own struggles, we started drifting apart. We had a difficult time connecting and relating to one another. It felt like we were constantly hurting each other’s feelings, saying or doing the wrong thing. I don’t think either of us felt comfortable sharing how we really felt, which was surprising because we had been friends since grade school. 

There was no one specific conversation or interaction that ended our friendship. We just stopped communicating with each other and the friendship just kind of faded. That was over 7 years ago now. 

The reason our friendship came up is because she recently sent me a message via social media to let me know she was thinking of me and that she loved me. It really took me by surprise. I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t. I wanted to give myself some time to think about it. Well, months went by and I still wasn’t sure how to respond. 

I felt like if I responded it would open up the door to our friendship again and I wasn’t sure that is what I wanted. It isn’t that I don’t care about or don’t love her. I wish her and her family the best, but I felt like a lot of time had passed and I no longer felt a connection to her. Is it okay to feel this way? A part of me felt like I “should” reach back out to her, but I knew I didn’t want to “should on myself.” 

I realized some hurt feelings resurfaced and it was time to forgive and release them. I will always cherish the friendship we had in the “past,” but it was in the past. If I am being honest with myself, our friendship had drifted apart a long time ago. 

When I tuned inward, I checked to make sure that I was coming from a loving and gentle place, not a hurt, resentful place. I feel like too many times, women especially, do what “they are supposed to do” or “what others” think they “should do” or worry too much about other people’s feelings and end up not valuing their own feelings and “inner knowing.” I am doing what feels right to me.

In the end, I made the decision to not respond. At first it was a difficult decision because I was worried about hurting her feelings, but after some soul searching I feel good knowing I am doing what feels right to me. I am taking care of me. I am listening to myself. I am being ME.

How about you? Do you worry more about other people’s feeling and neglect your own? Do you worry about what you “should do” or “are supposed to do?”

Next time you feel like you are not taking care of yourself first, I encourage you to tune in and connect with yourself, your intuition, your inner knowing. You will be surprised the answers really are within not outside of yourself.

“Listen to your own voice, your own soul. If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.” Anonymous