After listening to some episodes of the podcast Mortified, which features adults sharing the embarrassing things they wrote as kids. I decided to look through some of my old journals.
I came across some entries from when I was in my mid-20s. It was interesting to read the thoughts of my younger self. Especially my thoughts about my dating life at the time.
There was one sentence that especially caught my attention. I wrote out “I just need to find a guy that can read my mind.” I was mortified! I couldn’t believe I wrote that. Did I really think that?
I had to laugh at my younger self. No wonder my relationships in my mid-20s didn’t last.
It was also a great reminder to my present-day self. I had to ask myself, “Am I still wanting to be with someone that is a mind reader?”
Hmm? I want to say 100% no, that I do not want to be with a mind reader. Although, sometimes I do catch myself getting upset with my husband because he doesn’t know exactly how I am feeling or what I am thinking.
However, my present-day self has learned and accepted that it is not realistic or healthy to want people to read my mind. I used to believe that if the guy I was dating really loved me, he would remember everything I shared with him. He would know what I liked, didn’t like, wanted, didn’t want, and what I thought.
Looking back I can see that there was a part of me that was looking outside of myself for someone to take care of me – instead of loving and taking care of myself.
Have you ever done this? Have you ever wanted someone to read your mind? Maybe consciously? Maybe unconsciously? You want them to say and do the right thing – all the time.
They should remember everything you have shared with them – your favorite foods, movies, etc. They should always be available when you need them, etc. You look to them to make you feel good, to feel loved.
There is a good chance you were in a place where you were looking outside of yourself for happiness. It happens and it’s okay.
Sometimes when you are feeling vulnerable, insecure, and/or unsure of yourself, you may find yourself wanting someone to say and do all the ‘right’ things to make you feel good.
Yes, we want people in our lives to be our cheerleaders, to love us unconditionally, to be there for us – but it is even more important that you are your #1 cheerleader, that you love yourself unconditionally, and that you take care of yourself first.
I have compassion for that younger version of me. Reading my journal entries I could feel the frustration and sadness it caused me. How it held me back from being fully present and happy in my relationships.
I can also see how each of these relationships gave me an opportunity to learn to love and take care of myself – and to learn to ask for what I need.
“Great relationships are based on clarity, not mind-reading.” Steve Arterburn