Can you relate?
If only I would’ve started trying earlier in life. If only I would’ve been more positive. I should’ve tried those supplements. I should’ve gone with the other doctor, clinic, procedure. I should’ve listened, trusted myself, my body, instead of everyone else. I could’ve tried harder. I could’ve been more strict with my diet, my drinking, my exercise. What if it was because when I was young I didn’t think I wanted to have kids? Did I jinx myself?
If only I would’ve . . . realized sooner that I allowed infertility to define me.
That last one was a doozy. I can still feel the weight of it. It was the most difficult one to come to terms with. All these thoughts contributed to my focus being on the past and the future versus on the present. It was like I had pressed the pause button on ALL areas of my life EXCEPT if it related to my fertility, to my chance of getting pregnant.
It was not a straightforward process and it took me years of taking two steps forward and four steps backward, but I was FINALLY able to press the play button on my life. It was scary and I had to work through some serious doubts in my head.
How do I trust myself again? How do I listen to myself again? How do I know what the “right” decision is? What if I make the wrong decision? If I pressed play, does that mean I am giving up?
How about you? Do you feel like you have pressed pause in your life, waiting for something to happen?
Trust me, you are not alone. Yes, I’ve come out on the other side. I’ve worked hard at healing myself, my life, and am in a good place now, but that time of my life is always going to be a part of me. There are times I can start to go back down that road of should’ve, could’ve, but I no longer get stuck there, pressing the pause button (for long). Now, I stay curious, I stay present in my life. I live a much more passionate, conscious life.
Are your thoughts consumed with the could’ve, should’ve, what ifs and if only’s? I invite you to simply be curious, to let yourself imagine what your life would look like if you lived in the present moment and to let go of these thoughts that keep you focused on the past and the future.