I’m in the middle of writing a book. It is something I’ve started and stopped many times. I feel like it’s time to complete it.

As I was writing, it struck me how far I have come regarding my fertility journey. If you don’t know, I don’t have children. I wanted to have children and tried, but that was not my path. It was one of the most difficult things in my life that I have had to come to terms with. But I did it. I can honestly say I am good. It has been a process of many ups and downs or peaks and valleys in my life.

Over the years, I would feel good and then something would happen, someone would say something and I would instantly dip into a valley and feel like crap. At first, I would get upset with myself. Why am I not feeling good anymore? What is wrong with me? Haven’t I already dealt with this? Why can’t I let this go? It is in the past. Why can’t I just freaking leave it in the past?

Then I would quickly dive into “figure it out” mode – which entailed journaling, meditating, talking about it, and analyzing it. It helped . . . for a while, but then the difficult feelings would come again. Ugh! It went on like this for years. Why?

Was it because I wasn’t truly accepting my path, myself? Was I just saying the words, but not embodying them? Was I just telling myself I felt better, but underneath it all, I really was not?

Yes. Yes. Yes. For me, it was the combination of all these things and more.

It wasn’t until I realized that I was resisting one of my life lessons, which was that “life was a process,” that it sunk in for me. I was resisting because I was waiting for the day I could put my fertility journey in a box, tie it up with a bow, and put it away forever – which is not realistic.

I believe that my fertility journey was/is an opportunity for me to learn many, many, many, many, many, many life lessons.

Life is a process – is one of the biggest lessons for me to learn. It is a lesson I will be learning in different ways, at different times, at different levels, and at varying degrees – and I will continue to experience peaks and valleys along the way.

This lesson has allowed me to accept myself and my fertility journey exactly where it was. It has helped me to be more and more present in my life and continue to let go of overanalyzing the past or being focused on the future.

Is there something in your life you have been working on, trying to change, fix, or maybe push aside or avoid – but it keeps reappearing in your life? Especially when you think you have dealt with it or have it all figured out. Could you be resisting the lesson – life is a process? 

Whether your answer is yes or no. I would like to remind you (and myself) that:

  • Life is a process. There is no end goal. Not everything can be tied up in a bow and put away forever. 
  • Sometimes you will learn a lesson, but it may come up again at a later date, in a different way.
  • Everyone has lessons to learn in this lifetime. It is what makes life interesting. It is how we experience life.
  • There are going to be both peak and valley moments in your life.

I continue to accept and surrender to the lesson that life is a process and it feels good.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” John Lennon