Release the need for perfection. Why? I thought perfection kept me safe. During my fertility struggle, I was striving for perfection, for my happily ever after – the husband, the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids. Each month I was not pregnant my internal negative chatter would begin:

“You ate crappy, so you did this to yourself.”

“You chose the wrong doctor, clinic, treatment plan.”

“What will people think, say?”

I tried suppressing that voice, but sometimes the chatter would win. I liken it to trying to keep a tight grip on the kink of a garden hose. A kink that was blocking all of my difficult emotions from flooding in, but instead I found myself trying to hide from ALL of my emotions, at times numbing myself. 

After I became aware and accepted my fertility struggle, the next stage on my path to healing was to RELEASE my need for perfection that fed my internal negative chatter. It caused me to see myself as unworthy . . . until I got pregnant. This unworthiness was due to my lack of loving and accepting myself . . . until something else happened first (get pregnant).

I realized in order to love and accept myself, I had to slowly release the tight grip I had on the kink that was blocking my emotions. I explored varying alternative and traditional paths and found the guidance and support from some amazing intuitive healers. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t happen overnight. I learned ways to identify, move through and release the many emotions I got so good at hiding from. Sadness, anger, shame, loneliness, fear, guilt, grief, jealousy, joy, and happiness – the list goes on

This has been one of the most freeing stages of my healing journey. As I’ve opened up to loving and accepting myself, it opened the door to those around me also loving and accepting me.

One particular moment stands out: it was when I shared my fertility story with a room full of women and not one of them tried to ‘fix me,’ give me advice or look at me with pity in their eyes. No one shared how easy it was for them to get pregnant, or what worked for them, or how they knew someone that decided to adopt and they miraculously got pregnant. It was amazing.

Ultimately, the healers I worked with helped me to reconnect with my intuition, with my ‘inner knowing’ that I lost when I was in my infertility hole.

Here are some approaches that helped me:

Meditation – There are so many ways to develop a meditation practice. I encourage you to be curious and find what works for you.

Journaling – Again, find what feels the best for you. Maybe you journal daily, weekly? Maybe you keep a gratitude journal? Maybe you just “word vomit” and write down whatever pops in your head?

Talking – Find a friend, family member, intuitive healer, therapist, counselor that would be willing to listen as you share your story. It can be very cathartic to openly share your story with someone you can trust is not going to try and ‘fix you.’

Reading – There are so many great books out there that have provided me with “light bulb moments”, guidance, comfort, and support. The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz; Any books by Brené Brown, The Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer are just a few that come to mind.

Stay tuned for next time when I’ll share the downside to not releasing that kink in the garden hose that is holding back all of those difficult emotions.