Have you ever been in a conversation where someone was asking you too many questions? Maybe you were the one asking all the questions. Either way. It is all good.
There are many tips on how to avoid asking too many questions so that it does not feel like you are interrogating the other person. Then on the flip side, you will find many tips on how to ask the right type and amount of questions, to keep a conversation going.
All of this advice is great and can help you with your question asking/conversation skills. However, it is also going to depend on factors such as how well you know the person you are talking to or the setting you are in. Is it a social, business, education setting? It will depend on your mood, their mood, past experiences, and/or traumas. What the topic of conversation is and so much more.
There are going to be situations when you may have to adjust your natural tendencies and either increase or decrease the number of questions you ask. Although, I believe that regardless of whether you ask many, few, or no questions during conversations, it is important to be aware of and understand what your “why” or your intention is.
If you are someone that asks a lot of questions. Is it because you feel uncomfortable with silence, so you ask a lot of questions to fill the space? Or is it because you are genuinely interested in people’s lives, their stories, what lights them up, and in how they are doing? Maybe you are being nosey? Are you naturally curious?
If you are the person that doesn’t like to ask a lot of questions – Is it because you don’t feel comfortable being asked a lot of questions, so you avoid asking them? Are you extremely private? Do you feel that asking questions is pushy or nosey, so you don’t ask many? Do you have social anxiety? Are you worried you are going to ask the “wrong” question?
Once you have clarity on why you do or don’t ask questions, you can decide, based on the situation if you want to adjust or not. I am a person that asks a lot of questions. My intention is to connect with people and get to know them. I prefer to quickly get past the surface-level questions and get into the deeper ones.
Knowing what my intention is has helped me to consciously decide whether or not I am going to adjust the amount or type of questions I am going to ask. Although, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I always do. When I meet someone that is comfortable with answering or asking the deeper ones, it has helped me gauge if I found a friend or an acquaintance.
“Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.” Richard Bach