Recently I have been having many conversations with women that are struggling in their relationships, particularly in their marriages. They feel like they are no longer on the same page as their spouse.
They express how much they love and care for their significant other, but lately, their interactions have been leaving them feeling exhausted, disappointed, and frustrated.
They try and try to stop and change the way they respond and interact. They work on “being positive,” and it may work for a while, but then in a couple of minutes, hours, days, or weeks – the bickering and frustration come back.
Can you relate? Maybe it’s not your spouse, it could be a close family member or friend.
So what do you do? You love and care for this person – but there are times when it seems like everything they say or do, drives you crazy or sets you off.
I wish I had a magic wand to wave and make it all better – but that’s not how life works.
The first thing to do is to STOP being so hard on yourself and the other person (i.e. spouse). It doesn’t do either of you any good. I know I know – easier said than done.
However, when you are being negative and hard on yourself, you will be negative and hard on the people around you. When your thoughts are negative it also shifts your energy into a negative, low-vibration, rigid state, and it becomes difficult for the situation to change or shift.
Next, take a moment to ask yourself the following questions:
- How long have we been bickering, and disagreeing?
- Have we been spending more time apart or together?
- How affectionate, and intimate have we been with one another? (not just sex, but hugs, kisses, touching, etc.)
- How have our conversations been? Have we been listening to each other, or have we been distracted, rushed, and not paying attention to each other?
- When we do find the time to talk, do we easily forget the conversations we’ve had?
- Do I know how my spouse is truly feeling? Do I know if they have been feeling stressed, anxious, or down? Is there something going on with them that I am not aware of?
- Have I been feeling stressed, anxious, or down? Have I shared with my spouse how I am truly feeling?
These are only a sampling of questions to ask. The goal is for you to be curious about your interactions, feelings, and thoughts about your relationship. Life can get so busy with work, the house, the kids, extended family, and friends – that we unconsciously allow our most important relationships to fall by the wayside.
When you can tune in, be curious, and be aware of your relationship dynamics – that is when you can begin to loosen, change and shift the energy around the relationship.
Now that you have loosened the energy, you want to let it go. You want to release the lower vibration, negative energy that you’ve been holding on to.
Here are a couple of exercises to help you get started:
- Talk to someone you trust. It is key that you trust this person to hold a safe space for you to share how you are feeling about your relationship. Let them know you are not asking them “to fix” anything. You are wanting to release the overthinking, overanalyzing thoughts that are stuck in your head.
- Complete a brain dump. Set your timer for 5-10 minutes and start writing down all your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and frustrations about your relationship. Be honest. Write like no one else will ever read this.
- Meditate. Complete an energetic clearing meditation with the intention to loosen any stuck energy you have been holding onto related to your relationship and let it all go. This can be expectations, judgments, arguments, conversations, or stories that you’ve been replaying in your mind.
There is no right or wrong, good or bad. Remember the goal of these exercises is to release the negative, heavy, low-vibration energy, thoughts, and feelings you have been holding on to.
When you have completed one or all of the exercises check back in on how you are feeling about the relationship. Do you feel the energy is shifting? Do you feel different? What were you able to let go of?
This is a process I use when I find myself getting caught up in my thoughts and being hard on myself and others – I pause and get curious. Then I walk through 1 and sometimes all 3 exercises to get the stagnant, rigid, low-vibration energy moving again.
Many times you can get the energy moving fairly quickly, but sometimes it may take a bit longer and you will want to come back and walk through the exercises again. Either way, it is okay.
Healing is not linear, it is a process and there are layers that need to be healed.
Relationships can be amazing, and they can be extremely difficult. Personally, I find the meditation exercise the most powerful. Since I am a highly sensitive person and empath I know how important it is for me to clear my energy of other people’s stressors.
When I meditate with intention, it makes an immediate impact on my feelings, thoughts, and mood as I clear out the energy of other people’s stressors.
By sitting comfortably, closing my eyes, and connecting with my guides, I can allow myself to let it all go. . . and instantly begin to feel better.
If you have a relationship in your life that has been driving you crazy – I invite you to walk through my process so you can feel lighter, and freer, as your frustration melts away.
It’s possible to experience calmer, peaceful thoughts about your relationships.
“If you let go a little you will have a little happiness. If you let go a lot you will have a lot of happiness. If you let go completely you will be free.” — Ajahn Chah.